For quite some time I have been obsessed with the concept of “community.” There is a burning desire within me to do what’s just, to do what’s best for the common good, to do what’s best for my people (from my ancestors, to my peers, to my descendants).

I believe this obsession of mine has been largely shaped by what I’ve come to know. When the veils of capitalism, class, modernity, and oppression were lifted for me, it was impossible for me to view my world the same.

In that spirit of awakening, I also learned a lot about my own humanity, and the humanity of others. Reconciling with the paradoxes and imperfections that I–along with my fellow brothers and sisters–possessed taught me the meaning of character and integrity and redemption.

There is a version of Rome that obsesses over community and justice because he wishes to right the wrongs of his youth. He hopes that he too can be redeemed, and that he can eventually heal more than he’s hurt. Meanwhile, there’s another version of Rome who wants to prove to himself that he’s finally ready to be the authentic leader he always wanted to be. And then there’s the version of me that views community and Black liberation as the only path forward. A path that is righteously necessary. So much so, that to do anything else would be a sin; a willful display of ignorance; a selfish contentment for the violence and inequity that persists. This passion that sits in my belly fills my soul with hope and guilt, ego and selflessness, direction and confusion, all at once.

Because of this, I question the driver of my own actions at times. Have I placed an undue influence onto myself? Have I set an impossible expectation on my talent and potential? Or was this always the path I was meant to be on? Is this my calling? Is my fear of success stopping me from picking up the phone?

Clearly, I am all over the place. Clearly, I am unsure. But inaction is the cancer that grows from fear. Therefore, even if the next steps I take are not done with 100% certainty, they will be taken with intention, and thus they will be steps toward my truth, toward liberation.